Gele American

Hindsight is 20/20 {or 5 Women Who Would’ve Been a Better Fit than Michelle Williams}

Dear Kelly and Beyonce,

I am not faulting ya’ll at all. You did the best you could with what you had, I assume. Or maybe Kelly needed to secure her spot as number 2…idk. I digress. I was listening to some music today and I was like Omgeez, Monica would’ve been a great third in Destiny’s Child! With that said, I compiled a short list of women that would’ve been a better vocal fit in Destiny’s Child than Michelle. Michelle, no shade. You’re still better than Keyshia Cole. As if that is something to boast about.

1. Monica

Beautiful and talented, what’s not to love? And as long as Kelly keeps looking like she does on the album covers she could still own that #2 (I think).

2. Jennifer Hudson

Jennifer is fun. And cute too. But Beyonce forever banish Jennifer to the bridges like Michelle. But at least I wouldn’t have to change the song at the end of every single song.

3. Solange

Man, what?! So long, Jackson 5, HELLOOOOOOO Knowles 3! Yas! I just almost had to shout forreal. Solange is so very talented, not as much as Beyonce but Kelly, Beyonce, and Solange would be musical trinity made in heaven.

4. Miss Piggy

 

Yeah, even a muppet would be better than Michelle. No shade. Well, not that much.

5. Meeeeeeee

 

Ok, I just want to be around Kelly and Beyonce. Hush. My blog, my rules.

 

Kelly and Beyonce, I’m available on Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, Instagram, BlackPlanet, email, Snail-mail, Smoke clouds, whatever. Just hit me up however….LOL

 

XOXO

Ade

 

 

 

A Note to Serbian Beyonce concert attendees

I didn’t like it so I had to put a vlog on it.

My First Zumba Class and Other Ramblings

So I am taking part in this online interactive fitness challenge called Sexy Shred. It’s the brain child of Feminista Jones, who I totally obsessed with on the online world.  Since I recently moved to a house, I joined LA Fitness for access to workout classes and gym equipment. Fast forward to this morning, a Zumba class was starting just when I walked into the gym so I decided to check it out. Here is my response:

WOW! Ain’t nobody tell me I could workout and booty pop and body roll at the same time! OMGOMGOMG I LOVE Zumba! Mostly because I can booty pop and body roll but that’s neither here nor there. Just know, I think I have found my life workout calling.

On to other ramblings, I started a journal — to track my growth as a Christian as well as collect my thoughts somewhere where it doesn’t disappear after I go to sleep and wake up. It’s kind of exciting. I used to journal a lot when I was younger but usually it was about Marquez a particular guy who won’t be named. It was embarrassing. “Oh he smiled at me today! *swoon, swoon, swoon*”. Not like I probably wouldn’t respond the same way now, I’m just out of contact with him. lol.

That Beyonce Pepsi commercial. Great commercial. Very well done. BUT. I still won’t buy Pepsi. Even Beyonce the wonderful actress she was didn’t even convincingly look like she wanted to put her mouth to that Pepsi can. But I do love how when Beyonce needed motivation to practice she looked to Beyonce for motivation to practice. YAS you better give yourself LIFE! Also, I’ve been looking for a reason to re-learn and perform Crazy in Love, help with that would be nice.

Lastly, I graduate in less than a month. How exciting.

That’s all for now, Monster-In-Law is on   I need to go grocery shopping and stuff.

*sigh* Keyshia Cole

sidebar: I spell Keisha different almost every time I mention her. What happened to regular ol’ Kesha?

We are gathered here today to witness the absolute slaying of someone’s career. I liked Keyshia for some reason, I lived for love. I loved her little thang with her husband. I didn’t watch her show much, but that’s because I try to only stick to two ratchet colored shows and RHOA and The Game have me booked. But then, she came for the children of Destiny. 

Now, anytime you make me have to willingly admit that Michelle Williams is better than you, there is a problem. She sounds like a goat in travail. How hard can that be to beat? Apparently hard enough. Because Michelle SLAYED.

That was still a little painful to say. But the truth.

Fast forward to today, I get an invite via a Meetup for tickets to a Keyshia Cole concert deal….via Living Social.  Ma’am. You can’t sell tickets in real life? We have come to discounted tickets for sales? Sigh. I just can’t.

Never mind that you couldn’t get on a stage with Beyonce if you sold your soul to the devil. Idk why you thought it was even permissible for you to come at a child of Destiny. I just, *sigh*. RIP to your career.

A Beginner’s Guide to Hating on Beyonce

Hello all you disturbed people,

Since today is Super Beyonce Sunday and a form of Christmas to stans everywhere, I decided to gift you lackluster naysayers with a few tips on how to properly hate on the Creole slayer of the universe affectionately named Beyonce. I know some of y’all are novices or new to the hating game so I am graciously equipping you with a few catch phrases to help you along.

Beyonce ain’t even all that.

She gone lip-sync like she did with the National Anthem? *pause* Can YOU sing the National Anthem? I’ll wait. With ear plugs. And noise canceling headphones.

*insert other Destiny’s Child member* is prettier.

Beyonce employs poor kids in India to pre-record her tracks for 2 cents a day.

Beyonce steals the hair of infants in Cambodia. Poor bald headed kids.

Beyonce says “algebuh”. *pause again* I gives no facks. Beyonce is smaht. Beyonce is kind. Beyonce is impotant.

Beyonce can’t sing. Come on, you don’t even believe that.

Beyonce was so wrong for how she did *insert other Destiny’s Child member*. Her only wrongdoing is allowing Michelle Williams to sing with her mic on. And that was wrongdoing to us.

 

That’s all I have for now, gotta run and live life. Remember to stretch your hater muscles because she will give you a workout this halftime. Good luck!

She’s on BlogLovin!

Are you on bloglovin? Follow GeleAmerican.
Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Thanksgiving in My Season of Singleness

Heavenly Father,

I want to thank you for saying no.

I want to thank you for closed doors

that shielded me from destruction,

from pain, from temptation.

Thank you for loving me when I didn’t

understand, when I was vulnerable to

the very temporary attention of the

wrong guy, time and time again.

Thank you for shielding my heart,

protecting my mind and owning my soul.

Amen.

 

So today I had a revelation. I’ve been realizing a lot lately. For one, I realized that when in a relationship, I can’t be the only one that seeks purity until the time God has called for us. Many guys say they are okay, but they try to stay around to see if they can get me to compromise my beliefs in order to fulfill their selfish desires. Way too many guys are pushing to see how far they can get, instead of pushing to see how far I can go. So, lately, I’ve been in a major stink about being single. I feel like there have been a lot of closed doors. Guys who might send the occasional good morning text but in the overall view of things show me time and time again they only want me for whatever convenience and care little about my overall well being, let alone spiritual growth. My quest for sexual purity often served as easy weeding out device. Too easy. So easy that I can count on only one finger a man that has made it past that. And yet, despite my frustration with the men I encountered, my heart was intact, my resolve was strengthened and I found myself no longer seeking devotion from the wrong guy. For that, I thank God. I thank God because I realized today that if a man told me to go left and God told me to go right, that is not a man I want to follow. I thank God because my desire for Him increases each day and I have faith that as I focus on Him my desire everything else will fall into place. I didn’t write this blog to brag. I am by far not a model Christian nor do I ever claim to have everything figured out. I still have almost daily temper tantrums with God but I pray as I grow and my faith grows I will turn to Him in belief faster and faster instead of dwelling in my emotion. I just wanted to share this, because I believe there are so many sisters of mine that are on the same path and might need this same encouragement. I hope it helps.

Reason 4957848 Why I Love Michelle Obama

She threw this shade forest at John Boehner and gave no facks.

Yassssss!

Ways to Celebrate MLK Day at Work

If you’re like me and have to work tomorrow, have no fear you can conspicuously celebrate Martin Luther King, Jr day at work too. How, you may ask? I have generously compiled a list of things you can do.

1. Wear your favorite kente cloth “awlfit”.
2. Finally demystify Kwanzaa for your “lighter” skinned co-workers
3. Bring a bucket of chicken and grape sodas for everyone to enjoy at lunch. Bonus: Start a game of Spades or Dominoes.
4. Play African wildlife soundtrack music in your cubicle.
5. Play Martin Luther King, Jr’s “I Have a Dream” speech VERY LOUDLY from your cubicle.
6. Call everybody “brother” or “sister”. Just for the day.
7. Set up a question box for your white friends and explain to them the intricacies of black culture at the end of the day.
8. Wear the ever famous pick with a fist on the end.
9. Stop by the local hair store/gas station/crackhead and pick up a Martin Luther King, Jr + President Barack Obama “I Have a Dream” t-shirt.

Sure, we have to get up early and go to work like it’s not Black Thanksgiving but don’t let that dampen your spirits! Hope y’all have a great day at work tomorrow! Happy MLK day in advance.

 

 

How to tie a gele (without tears)

b